To have these days with Dex and the rest of the family was a blessing

The primary reason we came back to the States was to spend time with my family in Duluth. To be clear, one wouldn’t normally choose to go from Thailand to Duluth in the winter (we arrived on March 16) just for a visit. In this case though the timing is critical: my 11-year-old great-nephew is in the late stages of terminal cancer. We’re here to spend time with him and the rest of the family and then staying in North America for a couple months until his funeral. And yes, it is very strange for me at least to be so direct about the end game in this, but my family has gotten used to it, or as inured as one can in the situation. Dexter knows he’s dying, has known it for nine months now, and it’s just something they all live with.

One of the things I learned on this trip is that there is nothing you can do about it. My first day back was pretty rough for me: Dex is obviously getting weaker and on top of that my mother’s Alzheimer’s isn’t getting any better either. She still knows who Mark & I are but she doesn’t know that we travel full-time, that Dex has cancer, or that Donald Trump is president for that matter. (OK, yeah, maybe that last one is something of a blessing….) So yeah, pretty tough stuff. And in the best traditions of how I’ve lived most of my 60-plus years when there’s a problem I want to do something, fix something.

Mark got his Dex time too

Doesn’t work here. There’s nothing to do except to be there. So we were there. After that first painful day it was a beautiful visit. I would spend midday with my mother, go over to the assisted living facility where she lives, visit for a bit, then take her for a drive and out to lunch. I learned that earlier in the day she’s relatively more present, able to carry on a reasonable conversation and all that. Then in the evening Mark & I would go over to my brother’s house for dinner (corned beef & cabbage on St. Patrick’s Day!) and visit with the rest of the family. All in all not so bad.

As always there were a few highlights. Certainly at the top of the list was just cuddling with Dex. He’s a little low in energy but that makes holding him both easier and more special. I’m truly glad that we didn’t miss this last chance. And then there was the drive I did with my mother through Superior, across the bay in Wisconsin, where she grew up. I asked if she remembered where her parents’ house had been and she didn’t.

As we drove around, though – I knew the general area within a couple of blocks – she suddenly said “Ohio Avenue.” Ah, she remembered that much. Then we drove up and down the few blocks it would have had to have been on and didn’t find it. Maybe it had long since been torn down. Then suddenly again she said “1614. It was 1614 Ohio Ave.” Sure enough, we found this tiny little house at 1614 Ohio Ave. where she’d grown up with her parents, four siblings, and a grandfather some 80 years ago and where I’d visited my grandparents when I was a little kid. After that we drove out of town to the house where I’d grown up. She remembered that a little more clearly, particularly as it really hadn’t changed much in the 46 years since we moved out.

My mother’s childhood home in Billings Park. It was tiny; hard to imagine eight people living there.

And the house that I grew up in on 80 acres on what is still a dirt road. I could be wrong but I think we planted those trees in the early 1960s. Either way they are a LOT bigger today than they were then.

And that was our five-day Duluth visit. Mark & I had dinner one night with an old graduate school classmate who lives in Duluth (and is a friend of my sister Rebecca), so that was fun. That and genuine quality time with the rest of the family made for me, at least, something of a healing experience. Sadly, we’ll likely be back in the next several of weeks for a funeral. Cancer sucks. Childhood cancer really, really sucks.

Of course, the whole visit wasn’t gloomy. One day the sun came out, the temperature rose into the mid-40s, and Mark & I went for a walk along the Lake Superior coast with my sister Rebecca. You can tell that it is still winter in Duluth, but it was a beautiful day and a beautiful walk.

After the walk my sister-in-law and brother Vic (Dexter’s grandparents) joined us for lunch at a spot on the lake. An indoor spot, of course, but then we went back outside to enjoy the sun.

Speaking of food, on the drive from Minneapolis to Duluth after we flew in from Detroit we stopped at Tobies in Hinkley (it’s an old, old tradition and just about required). We ordered Cobb salads and they were HUGE. It’s going to take us a while to get used to these portion sizes.

Rebecca made Sunday brunch for us one day. Sunday, I think. From the front that’s Jenny (Dex’s mom), Karen, Jackson, Mark, Lily, Rebecca, and Mat. (You’ll be seeing more of Mat as Mark & I are taking him to Europe in August.) Vic wasn’t there as Sunday mornings are busy times for a Lutheran minister….

More pictures of Lake Superior at the end of winter

My beautiful, talented, lawyer sister

Karen and her cats. These three-plus years of dealing with Dex’s cancer have been tough on her but through it all she is a survivor

Jenny took this one. I tear up when I think about it.

Here I am with Pat & Jenny, Mark’s brother and sister-in-law up in Ann Arbor on a mildly graffiti-heavy alley

We spent five nights in Michigan, four at Mark’s parents in the southeastern corner of the state and one up in Ann Arbor where Mark went to school and where his brother and sister-in-law recently moved. Now, we’ve spent a lot of time in La Salle over the years but we still managed to pack in a fair amount of touristy kinds of things. Top of the list was a visit to the Detroit Institute of Arts, truly a great museum. It’s most famous for Diego Rivera’s Detroit Industry Murals – 27 panels depicting work at Ford painted in 1932 and 1933 – which he considered among his finest works. While I was out wandering somewhat more aimlessly Mark had a docent explain what the whole thing meant; since I wasn’t there, though, all I can add is that it makes working seem noble. As a retiree I’m somewhat skeptical.

Needless to say, there’s a lot more to the collection (estimated to be worth over $8 billion) than that. Lots and lots of American artists, lots of Olde Europe and Impressionism, plenty of modern art. In all a great way to spend a couple of hours. And then to top off our little spree into Detroit we went into Greektown and had – this will surprise you – a great Greek lunch.

High on my list of favorites at the DIA was this self-portrait by Otto Dix. Amusingly we first saw this in Genoa, Italy, where it was on loan for some special exhibit. I fell in love with it there but had forgotten that I would see it here. Nice surprise!

But the DIA wasn’t our only cultural excursion. The next day we drove south into Toledo to see the Toledo Museum of Art. Nothing on the scale of the DIA, of course, but still some great pieces with good descriptions and explanations of why they were important. One in particular – Childe Hassam’s Rainy Day in Boston – made me almost homesick. Watching all the kids going through on school tours reminded me that as far as I can remember we never did that when I was a kid; I don’t remember a single art museum tour from childhood. Not surprising, perhaps, given the distance we would have been from any reputable museum, and I undoubtedly would have been bored out of my mind if I had gone, but still sad to think how many kids who would enjoy it don’t get the chance. And it makes me appreciate the work that our friend Laura is doing at the National Gallery in DC, training to be a docent specializing in giving tours to kids. It wasn’t the case with me, but there is no question that for a number of kids art is what inspires and motivates them, if given a chance. Of course after a museum visit we needed lunch so this time we stopped at a Lebanese restaurant on the way home. The amusing thing about our stop was that we ordered a mixed plate for two to share among the four of us and we still had a lot of leftovers to take home. We just shake our heads at the portion sizes in American restaurants!

This mixed platter for two served four of us and there was still plenty for leftovers!

Besides the art museums a lot of time in Michigan is spent preparing for and consuming meals. The “preparing” part, of course, is Mark’s parents while the “consuming” part is more about Mark and me. Smoked pork chops, great salads, big breakfasts, and, in what is becoming a tradition, steak tartare.

Steak tartare at Chez Sullivan

After our four-day visit in La Salle, then, we went up to Ann Arbor for a night with Pat & Jenny, Mark’s brother and sister-in-law. They moved up there a year ago from Monroe largely because that cut Jenny’s commute from something over an hour each way to maybe a 25-minute walk, a pretty good change. But beyond that Ann Arbor is just a very cool college town. We stopped for a drink at Ann Arbor’s oldest gay bar (it was kind of boring in the early evening) and then went to a great chop-house for some major steaks. The next morning it was off to the airport for a morning flight to Minneapolis where we were to pick up a car and drive to Duluth.

Our nieces Molly & Lydia enjoying appetizers with Mark’s dad

An early morning view of Otter Creek

“Rainy Day in Boston” from the Toledo Museum of Art

I was really struck by this piece in the DIA by Kehinde Wiley. He poses African American men whom he encounters on the street in classical poses – in this case as St. Francis of Paola – introducing people of color into the tradition of the Great Masters. Then, in doing a little research on him, I discovered he’s the guy who painted the new portrait of Barack Obama that was recently installed in the National Portrait Gallery!

A small piece of Diego Rivera’s “Detroit Industry” mural

Van Gogh’s “Houses at Auvers”, painted in 1890 shortly before he killed himself

And finally, a stray kitty that at least occasionally adopts Mark’s parents’ home for his meals